RJ80

When suffering comes due desire, and the way to happiness is not to desire. Should we loose the desire towards happiness?

When suffering comes from desire, we can not desire happiness.

Not to desire happiness doesn't mean you can never be happy…..

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That the center of honesty is a lie.

 

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Simpel, maar met gevoel.

Komt het begin, het einde.

Niet wetend welke klanken er gaan komen.

Puur zuiver, emotioneel.

Diep van binnen, kruipend naar boven.

Waar het de top raakt en wegsluipt.

Waar het zich nestelt en nooit meer weggaat.

 

Leef het komt,

Verliefd, gedood, de zon, gedoofd

Waar het draait, waar het loopt.

 

Een implosie.

De expansie van een klein detail.

Zwevend door het heden, en verleden, de nieuwe geboorte.

Geconcentreerde energie, opbouwend naar het bijna niets.

Wijder zien, breder gedragen naar de ruimte  hier.

Kom maar het veilig, hier is geen toon van angst.

Hier is het rustig hier klinkt zuiverheid.

Een trilling, in de ziel zonder gedachten.

 

Leef het komt.

Verliefd, gedood, de zon, gedoofd,, mijn hoofd ontbloot.

Waar het draait, waar het loopt.

 

Simpel, maar met gevoel.

Loopt hij naar zijn einde, zijn begin.

 

 

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I feel.

 

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In hunted live,

Why would we be selfish.

What is live worth not to share,

What is live worth not to die.

 

-.-.-.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

 

If love must be sweeter than reality,

Then accept the brutality of reality.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-

Retread,

This is more than you imagine.

The different tales it will tell,

Since you are so far away from me now.

I didn't know I could feel this way,

Destructive emotions.

The soul pushed by the brain,

A brain without morality

I would loose it all if there wasn't this pure voice,

Which brings me closer to you.

But…..does it?

 

The hurt looks endless, but I know……there is none.

Not knowing that with you being so far, you feel closer then ever.

I hear your voice, I see you face.

Clear, in understanding.

It's my choice.

Traveling around in circles, not knowing where to go.

That it pushes me to here,

Not enjoying the uncontrollable slider.

 

I know I lost you,

I thought that I saw you move away.

But it is only my voice that speaks.

Your so far away.

Just an inner creation,

The dark fantasy.

 

It's only soul now,

No more then it was before.

When I listen,

Here it ends.

 -.-.-.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.--.--.-.-.--.

 

Motje

Nice Wings

T79

12-03-09

Just came back from a trip to Parnaiba with Onna. Driving with the Volkswagen bus over endless roads for 7 hours on Monday. The road is well developed and nature is beautiful. It's rain season so everything is either green or soaked with water. Especially the amounth of different births is nice.

I had my GPS on the steer but still managed to get a wrong turn since there are almost no signs and…..all the roads seem to go in any but the right direction.

At about 1400 hours I crossed the state boarder (from Ceara to Piaui (peeauee) and that is funny…..the road changes from one with marks in one without. You enter straight into a national park what means that you find all kind of animals on the road (death and alive), Goats, pigs, dogs, cows, vultures etc. The road is smooth and without holes but the state is way poorer. Houses of wood and clay are more commen than Ceara and people wash their cloth in the river. Though the hospitality and smiles are heart breaking.

Sometimes you can wonder how well education is for us. What (in the end) do we need to know and isn't the simplicity not making things having more sperspective? I see a big difference in the people in Piaui and in Cumbuco (where more foreigners and 'educated people' have established themselves).  I will agree that knowledge is a good thing but it seems that we (humans) loose a lot of essentials when we start living away from the basics (and often into the so called commercialism).

We overnight in Parnaiba and we visit some friends we have here. We eat crab and oysters for 15 euro's and the nex day we leave to Barra Grande. This spot is the future, there isn't much yet and it breaths the atmosphere of Jeri but then 20 years back. There is a huge flat water area and they see there are sea horses in the water there. We don't overnight here because there is nothing to do. We drive to Jijoca close to Jeri where we find that we can't enter Jeri with the VW. So we stay there. Looking for food we come to what seems the only place open and we order a pizza. Here a Brazilian comes with a big smile and a big month entering the restaurant. He seems happy but wants to let people know he is there. I sit on the only table outside and soon enough he asks me if I play chess. 'Yes, I do'. Apparently Jijoca is chess city and I need to do a game. After the pizza I take a seat opposite him and we start. He moves fast and within 3 moves I know that he is far better then me….but I'll keep my calm.

He flirts openly with every girl that passes while I concentrate. 10 moves on the way I make my first big mistake and loose my bishop. I change my tactics. All or nothing. I'm a bishop behind but a soldier ahead. I change everything end we end up with him having a horse and me 2 soldiers……I win. He is pissed…congratulates me but keeps saying he owned  the game….people who where observing say that you can not own a game unless you win….I smile…get a ice-cream and see him playing against someone else. I look and they play fast…..after 0 minutes he gives up…to pissed that he lost from me J.

When we are loosing it, when the hope seems to fade away in front of our eyes, should we be more progressive in the choices we make. Doing nothing seldom changes the tide. And although I'm pro thoughtful and anti 'we always have to react fast on things'. I also see that loosing can only be overtaken by building up the strength to make a step. This step can be one to the side instead of to the front of course.

Pictures will come....

22-02-09

Suffering is happiness in reverse, it's not what has been done to us....it's what gets taken away from us.

Quote from Gregory David Roberts in his book Shantaram. Please read this found it amazing. Again you don't have to agree with things to like it but if this is his biography (and he says this) it is worth it. If it's fantasy…it very well done.

 

 

 

18-02-2009

 

And how beautiful can it be. How much does it change if after 7 months you suddenly have a place on your own.

Still there are responsibilities but it feels quit. It feels good, and although it might look strange because we see each other everyday 24 hrs a day, it's great to have so much contact with Onna. She also is delighted to take a breath and unload her shoulders from months of work.

And then you open your eyes and see the beautiful beaches, the beautiful place you created and you understand why people have a great holiday here.

We get heavy rain showers almost daily now and the wind is not very often kite-able. But this courses also wonderful skies and time for reading, writing, Onna is learning Dutch and every word she learns I learn in Thai again. We walk on the beach daily, I do exercises etc etc. But what is then the difference? For me is that I have the patience to do this stuff now. Because of the responsibility I (still) don't find a calm hart for this during the season.

  The video shop closed (right before the low season started!) but actually what do you miss when you miss a Hollywood movie? (From the last 5 times I went to I cinema only 1 I found worth watching).

 

Walking on the beach today (Onna running a hundred meters in front of me) I found that I still don't feel save here, that I'm always try to be alert. Moments later a police unit passed me in a brand new Hilux and I wondered where I was more scared of, them or a possible robbery. Months ago Onna and me where in a not forgettable incident with the police and since I felt we are on our own. The strange thing is that we never (knok knok on hard wood) had any bad experience concerning robberies or worse. But I know people close to me who did.

 

Besides the exercises our diet changed as well. In the season we have our (famous) BBQ weekly as well as the Thai food. Further we eat outside the hotel with guests often and when we don't we often eat the rest of the BBQ or lunch (read : tosti, hamburger, pancake, spaghetti and although we have it not so often the fish or chicken salad). Now we eat only salads, steamed or boiled stuff etc. Healthier and better taste…..

 

The high season here always kicks by at enormous speed. I often think that we grow older here twice as fast then anywhere else. The days are short and always full with things to do. But also in the low season I wonder, the days are still short……soon enough I will be 31……still living far from friend and family. People whom I miss are many but I feel it as a good feeling. Still it can be lonely here (especially in the low season) and the time goes on. But then, doesn't this all count for everybody? Even when you live next to your best friend?

 

For the kite-surfers: although I said for a long time I wouldn't, I'm practicing unhooked jumps now. For those who read this as Russian or Chinese.  The kites power normally goes to a harness that you wear in front of your belly. Trust me there is enough fun like this, big air, flips, loops etc. etc.  But for what some see as the 'ultimate' feeling you can choose that all the power is only in your two hands. In my case that means a upward lift of 93 kilos. The story becomes better when you know that with the kite hooked in you can de-power it (by push the steering bar to the front). Jumping Unhooked means a: no de-power b: only full power. I made a few hard crashes but seem to get better in it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

RJ78

06-02-'08

 

From now I will try to do my stories in Englisch because the group of non-dutch speakers who are interested in my stories seems to be growing.

I'm not sure if all the poems will be in English  since that needs a higher knowledge of the language (or is simplicity a more beautiful way of showing what I have to say?)

For all the dutchies…..I assume there is no worries reading in English right?

 

Please forgive me for all gamma and spelling mistakes! Blame Bill, not me!

 

The last 'RJ' contained a lot of poems and really….I got a phone call from somebody who really liked the first one. She actually seemed to understand it as well…..I was honored! That it was my mother doesn't matter at all, and that I have only 2 'followers' on my blog (and my mother isn't one of them but my father is J) while I send the mail about my blog to over 50 'friends' doesn't matter as well. The site got about 60 hits in 2 weeks from which half was mine…..so my blog rules….doesn't matter. I don't worry, I just go international and than we will see…….

 

Last two weeks a good mate of mine, Wouter, came here with his (then) girlfriend. Destiny want that when he is here t we have as minimal surf action as possible (due the wind).  But it was nice to have a good friend close again, somebody that know a big part of your background, can give you structural personal feedback and where you can drink a cuba-libre or two with.

Also the fact that I got to know his (then) girlfriend (Margot) better, and that he asked her in our hotel to be his wife added to having a great time.

This year we got about 4-5 proposals here and all where positive answered (as far as I know, but maybe I never get to know the denials).

 

The mind is getting in low-season mode. That means that I finally allow myself to get the lost sleep back and that I try to relax a bit more. I got a fair push to concentrate my work on the maintenance of the hotel and there is time for now.

It also means that I can review the last 6 busy months and I'm very positive about it! Besides the good season we got a few guests here with whom I could have spiritual talks (and not in a vague 'up-in-the air' kind of thing).

 

Often I got amazed that with a small story about your life philosophies you really get the interest of people. I wonder if it is what I say or either they are just amazed that somebody thinks about it. Let me say that it amazed me that many people don't have one. That a few days later most people ask me how old I'm and that they always guess me 5 years older then I'm doesn't matter that much (at least if they say it's because of the things I say and not my biiiig bellllly J).

Anyway if people pop-up who did think about (in my view) essential questions in life it's always nice to have a chat with them. Maybe it's to compensate being far from my friends.

 

It's a exiting period as well, Windtown 2 is getting closer, but just that it isn't there yet brings a few insecurities. Where to prepare for? Or we just take it as it comes?

It will mean a new country, new people to work with, a new much bigger project but with the possibility to develop things that interest me more. To the extend that first we have to develop the new hotel and the different parts of it but then there will be room to develop where I came from.

 

When life brings you that far,

Why would you desire back?

When life leaves you that far,

Why wouldn't you see where it brings you next?

 

 

After 3 months of mailing with the client service I finally got my 50 photos albums on ezprints back. They upgraded the website and guess what……..I cannot share them anymore or send them to a other site. So I will spend some time to get all albums on my harddisk again and then post them on:

 

http://rjsurfing.multiply.com/photos

 

Where you can see a few albums already….why here? Because it's the easies upload ever!

 

Cheers,

 

RnR

Fotootje

RJ77

14/12/08

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Dat het dan om mij draait,

Iemand die me ziet, die me hoort.

En dat het dan zou blijven,

Deze woorden, de gedachten.

Waarom zou ik het dan schrijven.

 

En wanneer er dan niet geluisterd word,

Of dat dan nog iets uitmaakt.

Jammer van de energie,

Jammer, niet genoten.

Waarom zou ik het dan zeggen.

 

En zijn er dan die het geloven.

Of er bewust van zijn.

Komt het dan nog over.

Of moet het explicieter zijn.

Waarom zou ik er nog over denken.

 

En is de weg dan nog een keuze.

Of is het laten leiden.

Wordt er zelf nog gedacht.

Of is het wat er wordt verwacht.

Is dat wat je lijden verzacht.

 

*

Acceptatie dat wij allen lijden,

Dat wij vergankelijk zijn.

De acceptatie van pijn,

Dat een perfect leven nooit zou zijn.

 

Acceptatie mogen de verlossing zijn.

Dat wij meer verlangen van het leven.

Dat wij hopen beter te zijn.

Dat wij moeten zien dat deze hoop de oorzaak is van pijn.

 

 

Acceptatie dat deze verlangens de weg naar energieloos zijn.

Dat wij alles hebben,

Dat wij voelen wat liefde en emotie zijn.

Dat wij alles kwijtraken.

 

Acceptatie dat we het niet hoeven te verlaten.

Dat wij er goed en eerlijk onder mogen zijn.

Maar als het dan vergaat.

Je was gewaarschuwd voor de pijn.

 

 

 

16-01-09

 

Feestdagen achter de rug, zus en Ernest waren er en het zijn juist in deze dagen dat er harder aan getrokken moet worden daar iedereen vrij heeft. Maar het is goed gegaan. Zo goed zelfs dat ik deze week een gast heb uitgezwaaid  (lees een volwassen man) die moest huilen toen hij weg ging. En gelijk daarna een man krijg (walk-in) die zegt dat er een zeer positieve energie hangt in het hotel. Dit is niet uit te leggen maar ik weet wel hoe dat komt.

 

Iedereen heeft een referentie naar een hotel…en wat verwacht je ervan? Een schone kamer? Een goed ontbijt? Dan ga je door naar het volgende. Het zijn  ervaringen……maar wat wanneer je een hotel binnenloopt waar ze buiten dat ook een beleving kunnen creëren. Een beleving dat je deel ben van een groep, een groep met dezelfde passie.

 

Het is pas twee weken geleden dat iemand de link legde tussen mijn werk in Thailand en hier….'Reinier, jij behandelt je gasten als een team, als een groep die samen een activiteit (Windtown) beleeft'.

 

En zo heeft het voor mij nooit gevoelt want het voelt totaal anders (ik ben geen instructeur, ik leg geen activiteiten voor) maar zie ik  hier wel een nieuwe vorm van hotel business ontstaan? Als we dit jaar bekijken, ons 3^e seizoen,  en zien hoeveel terugkomers we hebben dan wordt onze vaste kern alleen maar groter.

 

 

 

01-11-08

 

 

Kom maar naar beneden, kom maar terug.

Het was voor niets die jaren, het kon niet.

We moesten verder leven.

 

Verborgen trillingen over de huid.

Het gevoel van het verboden geluid.

De compositie van een symfonie.

Een algemeen beeld van een complexe erkenning.

 

Het was niet waar, het was gewoon nog niet klaar.

 

Emotioneel, kan iemand het zien.

Erg was het falen zonder de weg te zien.

Het maakte niet uit wat zij zeiden.

Hoe kon het zo voelen.

Koud bevroren, niemand naast me.

 

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Gelovig blijven geloven in je eigen leugen, maakt het een innerlijke waarheid.

 

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Rust, de oneindigheid dichtbij.

Zij die u verwachten.

Moge het u welgevallen.

 

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En of dat er dan nog is,

Of dat het er nog zou mogen zijn.

De reden, waarom voelt het dan zo fijn.

Geluk blijkt wederkerig,

Onconstant,

Lopend tussen de branding en het droge van het strand.

 

En of wij er dan nog naar mogen vragen,

Of dat het nog een antwoord heeft.

De reden, waarom voelt het dan als pijn.

Verdriet blijft wederkerig,

Maar contant,

Lopend over mul, soms wat harder zand.

 

En of wij het dan zullen zien.

Of het dan ook licht uitstraalt.

De reden, waarom voelt het dan zo diep.

Verlies blijft wederkerig,

Maar doorzichtig,

Lopend over mooie doch gladde wegen.

 

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02-12-2008

 

Zal het dan ook naar mij komen.

'ja'.

Maar wat maakt het dan nog uit.

Velen zijn mij voorgegaan.

 

En of er dan nog angsten zijn.

'nee'

Meer verdriet dan pijn.

Een nieuw bestaan is toch ook fijn.

 

---

En toch, ik vraag me af hoeveel het lijden een mindset is. Allen voorbestemd maar een opvatting / filosofie…..is een voorbereiding.

Wat……zal ik denken….wanneer ik—ongeneeslijk ziek word verklaart, nooit kinderen kan krijgen, misvormt wordt door toedoen van anderen, of bruut slachtoffer word van zinloos geweld? Of gebeurd dat alleen bij anderen? Of heb ik dit al meegemaakt?

------

 

Kijk verder,

Ga heen,

Verlaat de kleuren.

 

 

 

 

 

Some poems